alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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