he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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