Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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