Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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