Someone shit on the floor
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
