Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
