shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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