i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
