Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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