this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
