So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
