I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
