i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
