How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
