how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
