Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
