just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
