Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
