I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
