Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
