Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
