I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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