Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
