I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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