I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
