im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
