I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
