And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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