When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
