Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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