Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
