I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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