I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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