alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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