booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
