My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dicks are not precious.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
