I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is Oprah even human
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
