Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
