my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
