there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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