Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
