Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
