Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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