So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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