yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
