I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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