3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
