A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What a dumb baby whore.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
