dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
