please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
