if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This girl is more easily done than said...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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