Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
